Change

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Like I have mentioned before (I think?), I quit my job of 6.5 years as a psych rehab worker back in June.  It started with tears on a Sunday night because I was dreading the next day, Monday, of work.  There weren't any deadlines I was behind on or anything.  I had just reached a point where I just had enough.  Husband, being the ever supportive and sweet man he always is, just said "why don't you quit?"  And that is what I did the very next day.  And I immediately knew it was the right decision as once I made the decision to just quit (without a back-up) I no longer dreaded going into work (well, other than to tell my coworkers who I love dearly and consider to be some of my closest friends). 

This was a decision I decided to keep from my parents.  This was a decision I needed to make for myself.  I knew they would not approve and words would be said that would be difficult to take back or easily forget.  I decided my last day of work would be the day I left for my first trip abroad to Ireland & Scotland with my sisters to visit friends for two weeks.  The three of us met in Philly and while waiting for our red-eye I shared with my sisters that I had quit my job and hoped to keep this from our parents until I was ready to share it with them.  

We had a great trip but as it goes with family, and especially siblings, spending every waking hour together and in small spaces we started to get a little annoyed with each other.  But hey, I knew that was inevitable and did not let it ruin our trip.  We parted ways in Philly again en route to our respected corners of the world.  

Little did I know that one my sister decided to take it upon herself to share with my parents that I quit my job.  And as you can imagine, my mother was not too happy that I kept this from her.  However, I did not know she knew until my old coworker called to let me know that my mom called where I used to work to see if everything was okay with me.  Apparently she was worried because the sister who decided to share this said I had changed. 

And she was right.  I did change.  And for the first time it was for me.  And me only.  For years I had been looking for excuse (go to school for Exercise Psychology in Miami) after excuse (get pregnant) after excuse (move to Tampa, FL) to leave that job.  I started to feel stuck where I was.  Like I had no direction in my life.  Looking in all the wrong places and ways to happiness.  

My parents have always and always will want what is best for me.  But only what they feel is best for me.  So this was a decision I needed to make on my own.  As much as I hated lying to my parents I am glad I made the decision I did because I am not sure I would have been brave enough to make such a leap knowing that they felt it was the wrong one.  And to this day it was the best decision, the decision to leave my job, I have ever made.

While my experience of working as a psych rehab worker toward to the end was more bitter than sweet I will always cherish what I learned over the years.  And one of the most important lessons I learned was that change, while terrifying, can be a good thing.  And just because someone (no matter how important they are to you) doesn't necessarily agree with said change, does not mean it is wrong.  If it feels right to you then it most likely is.  

And for the first time in my life I am happy.  And for no reason at all.  Just happy.  And I contribute that to making the changes I need to make for myself and to stop living how others feel I should live.  Because, after all, it is my life.